Yesterday I turned 28. I know to some of you that seems so young still, but it passed so quickly, I worry that life will only continue to speed up & I won't get around to the things I want to do. Every day in "circle time" I do a "check" with my preschoolers to make sure their feet, eyes, & hands are in the right place & that their ears are open to listening. It refocuses them & helps them to remember where they are at & what they're supposed to be doing. This birthday for me has been a "check," & while I think I've been where I needed to be for the most part, I also think it's time for some changes.
For 2 years, out of necessity my focus was primarily inward & it's been hard to get back on track because I lost myself a little bit in my illness. I've been on a journey this last year to regroup & figure out what I'm capable of & how I'm going to get to functioning at full capacity & while I'm still figuring out the details, I'm coming to realize that, well, if it looks like a duck & it quacks like a duck, it most likely is a duck. Even in illness I was/am still outspoken, caring, and strong. I was 18 (10 years ago, can you believe that?!) when someone I can still only remember the 1st name of told me that she could see in me that I was put on this earth to help others. Now I'm not trying to sound or be self righteous or showy, but I'm tired of "getting mine" & "feeling vindicated" & all of those other BS phrases that the world is telling me is the purpose of my existence. I AM my best self when I'm in the service of others. I thrive on the thrill of doing & being something more than a self-sustaining entity. There is a joy that comes from giving that cannot be equaled by any other emotion. It is a quality of Godliness if ever I have seen one. Therefore, it is the quality that I am most determined to emulate.
This week my class studied the letter L. During the week, I discovered that most of the most important words in life start with L, my favorites being love, laughter, and light. These are the purpose of life though not the journey for to feel the fullness of love you must lose it, to fully understand the joy of laughter you must cry & and to comprehend the beauty & depth of light you must see darkness. That is the brilliance of life & in it, my purpose, to help others see past the journey to the destination & not just the final destination, but the destination of each move we make. Ie: I smile to bring light. I dance to bring laughter. I love to bring joy & while I still make mistakes, I realize that mistakes are part of the journey, not the destination. That is one stellar realization. Boo-yah!
Jenny, I love the way that you write. You have such a way with words. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I can't believe it but I'll be turning 29 next March, and I have been feeling the same way about time. We still have a lot of it, but although I don't feel very old, 29 sounds very old to me. And that scares me. In any case, I like what you said about taking time to focus and to look outward. I want to do that. You really were born to serve. You have always helped me so selflessly. I feel like that was something you were supposed to teach me. You go girl! You were meant to change the world. You have already changed mine and you did it again today. Keep posting. I love it! <3
ReplyDeleteJenny-thank you for this post. It is so easy to get down and focus on the hard things...but we have to focus on the good things. I loved all the L words. This post has helped me change my perspective a little this morning; instead of it being an icky Monday I think I'm going to look at it as just a fresh start. Thank you for being so open and awesome!
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