15 lbs! Say What?!

Ok, so maybe I don't know that much about the mechanics of weight loss,but I've been following my 1650 calorie diet pretty strictly & this is not some 1-2 lb weight loss a week going on here. In 20 days I've lost 15 lbs. It's exciting. It's awesome, but should I be concerned at the rate I'm dropping the pounds? Shouldn't it have slowed down a bit? Maybe it's because my stomach has started to work again. I have lost 6 inches in my waist. That's monumental given my constant state of bloating these last 2 years. I've been following the gastroparesis diet pretty strictly - low fiber, lots of liquids, etc - & digestion seems to be relatively back in business, although I would not yet call it normal. I don't know. I'm happy, but part of me fears that this is too good to be true or that I'm doing something wrong for it to be dropping so quickly. Any ideas?

I feel great right now, almost like I can wear real, non-stretchy pants again! That will be AMAZING!! I tried a bit of aerobic exercise this week, but my joints were not feeling it. Guess I'll have to lose a bit more weight for the pressure to not be overwhelming. I'm dying to go swimming. I tried to talk Aaron into it today, but he's got way to much homework to even consider it. Once his finals are over in a couple of weeks though, you can't keep me away from the water! In the meantime, I'm half-way through the Hunger Games trilogy this weekend. Reading it makes me feel a little stronger. I love being inspired by fiction. I love rereading my favorite books during different phases of my life & seeing how differently I interpret them. The question is: Harry Potter or Percy Jackson next?

Today I feel like this...
the more confused, more childish version of myself...

& yes, this is actually me as a child...

Joint Pain & Digestion Troubles

Now I'm really feeling the need to exercise. I have more energy & I'd like to expend it, but honestly my joints are saying, nay shouting: NOOOOOO!!! I'm trying to pace myself & wait till I lose another 10-20 lbs to do any high impact exercises. I keep forgetting how much this arthritis changed everything & I can't just pick up & run like I used to. It's a little frustrating to say the least.

 My belly is not bloating half as much, but I'm eating fiber like crazy & I don't think my digestion is proceeding normally. I still feel funny in the belly after every meal. I thought if I ate well, my gastroparesis would just disappear, but really I knew better than that all along.  It comes & goes as it pleases. I'm not sure what to do about it. I've been considering some kind of detox, but I don't want to waste my time, money & energy on something that won't even work. Any ideas of cheap natural detox solutions that really work?

Today I feel:

What's This All About?

So, some might think, "Jenny, you already have a blog. Why Another?" My answer is: "It's necessary." What weighs on me more than anything is the status of my health. In the last 5 years I've been diagnosed with 5 new chronic diseases. In the last 3 years, I've gained 65 lbs giving me a BMI of 39.1. That's obesity, my friends, plain & simple. For me to be in the normal range, I would have to lose 115 lbs. This is not just about being normal or feeling good about myself though. 
If I don't change my lifestyle & lose weight, it's a guaranteed certainty I that:

• I will develop type 2 diabetes
• My liver function will continue to decrease & eventually cause cirrhosis
• My psoriatic arthritis will continue to flair & make mobility increasingly difficult
• My GERD & Gastroparesis will damage my esophageal lining
• My menses will never be regulated
• I am at high risk to develop heart disease, high blood pressure, metabolic syndrome, etc
• & The most painful of these consequences: I might never conceive

It's embarrassing to think that most of my medical problems are self induced. It's embarrassing to think that I would never have made it to this point with 7 diagnosed diseases if I could just control my eating habits & exercise more. I can't give you enough words to describe the levels of anxiety & shame that arise when I face this reality, but these images speak to that part of me:

If there is one thing I hope to accomplish with keeping this blog, it's to get support. I have proven time & time again that I am not capable of handing my diet & motivating myself to eat well on my lonesome. Words of encouragement have not been enough either. I think what I need is both self-accountability & inspiration from others working in conjunction towards the common goal of health. I've said it so many times in the last 5 years, but I'm tired of feeling lost & I'm tired of feeling tired & I 'm tired of letting my body control me. I want my life back. I want my body back. I want my cherished aspirations to include health & fitness & general well-being & I want my aspirations of health to become my reality. I know I'm going to fail. I know I'm going struggle, but eventually I also know, I am going to succeed because there has to be another option than just watching my body & in consequence, my life fall to shambles. I won't accept that as an option any longer.