My husband works at a main-stream pizza delivery place part time while he's going to college. I know, I know. It's pretty much as bad as you think. He brings home at least 2 pizzas every week which means I have a least 4 meals worth of pizza every week. I'm grateful. I ask for them, but I shouldn't. Today I had 4 pieces of stuffed crust BBQ chicken pizza, 2 for lunch & 2 for dinner. At about 400 calories per slice, that's a whopping 1600 calories just on pizza. That is mortifying. Just thinking about it makes me nauseous & ashamed of my choice. My head is raging with taunts of "pig!" "cow!" "fatso!" I feel every second of those calories both physically & mentally, but I just can't seem to stop myself.
Given those 2 factors alone, I'd say my stress level today is at about a 95%, just short of panic attack. I think it's time for some relaxation techniques before I overload completely.
Since this is the beginning of my blogging for health experience. I feel it necessary to share my raw-uncensored "in the beginning" photos. Usually taking a picture for me is taking at least 10-20 shots & chosing the one that makes me look the least chunky, but this time, I had my husband take 3 shots from 3 different angles & that's it. So, in truth, this is me, every overweight & sick inch:
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| This is my most flattering shot. My problem areas are not accentuated from the front. |
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| From the back you see 2 of my most troubled areas: my upper back & arms. |
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| This is by far the worst shot. Prominently displayed are my flabby arms, my huge double chin, & my protruding belly. |
You can blame my gastroparesis for the protruding belly. It took 1 year, 3 specialists, and more tests than I can count to get an actual diagnosis of "gastroparesis." Basically what happens is I eat food, it makes its way to my stomach & it sits there for however long it feels like. It has caused a multitude of symptoms including: nausea, vomiting, obviously a distended stomach, a horrible flaring of my GERD & many times an inability to sit up because of the pressure it puts on my stomach. Gastropareis is the reason I decided to take a break from college. When I made that decision a year ago, it happened much more frequently & I didn't know how to handle it, but with medication & as you can imagine - a wardrobe full of really stretchy pants, I've got it to a point of functionality. Still, it bothers the heck out of me. Though it doesn't seem to follow much of a pattern of what it can handle & what it can't, on days like today it's the worst, because it can never seem to handle pizza.
I quite enjoyed finding pictures to express my emotional state, so I think I'm going to make it a tradition for each blog I write. Today I feel this:
| "And a woman having an issue of blood twelve years, which had spent all her living upon physicians, neither could be healed of any, Came behind him, and touched the border of his garment: and immediately her issue of blood stanched. And Jesus said, Who touched me? When all denied, Peter and they that were with him said, Master, the multitude throng thee and press thee, and sayest thou, Who touched me? And Jesus said, Somebody hath touched me: for I perceive that virtue is gone out of me. And when the woman saw that she was not hid, she came trembling, and falling down before him, she declared unto him before all the people for what cause she had touched him, and how she was healed immediately. And he said unto her, Daughter, be of good comfort: thy faith hath made thee whole; go in peace." -Luke 8:43-48 |
Now the waterworks begin in truth...
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